Shame on me.
Truth be told, I've suffered some life constipation. Clogged up by tasks, work, people, obligations, feelings, stories. You know. All of those things that conspire to stop us from doing what we 'mean' to do.
That's not to say that my constipation has not been satisfying. So to speak. To pick up where I left off in my last post (big break up, booked O/S ticket, working with and not against curve balls yaddayadayadda), I've felt immense fulfillment in, well, life. No longer do I feel swallowed and controlled by that dirty beast I like to call debt, I'm continuing to kick goals on the artsy-fartsy front, and my calcified heart is slowly opening to the possibility of new love (cue violins). Point is, Mama's been busy cooking up a big pot of tasty life stew in 2012.
Yet it's funny how no matter what we do, or how much of it, or how well...there is that constant feeling of 'it' not being 'enough'. I'm sure you can relate with this one, right? Despite the fact that I NEVER stop, I have this constant feeling of needing to do more. Earn more. Sing more. Create more. Save more. See more. And it's that constant fear of not doing or being enough, that paralyses us into not doing anything! Well, seemingly...
I think that's the problem I face with the writing of this blog. I feel this need to to fill in all of the gaps, each time I write. But in said filling, I must be hysterically entertaining yet grounded, laced with emotional depth yet logical, sequential yet loosely constructed and spontaneous...WTF? Too hard basket. Just gonna fluff about on Facebook instead. Updating my status is totes more achievable.
So here I am. Writing a post about, ummm, I'm not entirely sure. But I'm REALLY hoping, ok....(eek..promising?)..that this will mark the beginning of a solid blogging effort. Let this post be a laxative, if you will; these sentences, the Metamucil, to open the chasms for some verbal/ written diarrhea.
How I got to using this whole bowel movement analogy, I've no idea.
Anyhow, I'm about to embark on another pretty cool adventure. I feel that the only way to make sense of it, (more on the making sense part later) is to write about it, and I thus MUST stay accountable. Committed (uggh, the C word). And let it be a part of the bigger picture, not an addition to. Perhaps I'll even fill in some gaps along the way, hey?
So please, 12 avid followers, Mama won't let you down again. She's gonna mix some sweet bloggy stories, confessions and inspirations into that big pot of life stew that she's brewing!
