This week, life as we know it resumed. The hoards of 9-5ers donned their corporate garb, bidding farewell to the silly season and welcoming, or not, their working year. For me, this meant crawling out of the sanctuary that is public holidays and facing my denial pile- the collection of letters from the past month (and I don't mean the Christmas variety) that have been growing like the mould in a share-house bathroom. In any other year, I probably would have let this fester until it looked like some sort of abstract art installation. But not this year. Not in my 'year of change'.
Sometime ago, I heard a saying which has since stuck by me. 'If you always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you've always had'. It ain't Shakespeare, but it's simplicity is pretty poignant. So, rather than sitting back waiting for my problems to fix themselves, I sorted through the collection, trying to come to some sort of arrangement that will, if not immediately, resolve each of my 'arrears'. Update 1: I have applied for a debt consolidation loan and would appreciate all readers to send positive approval manifestations to the powers that be. Update 2: I've knocked a whopping $75 off the grand debt total! Up(sad)date 3: I've added another $25 to my credit card. I shall not be discouraged, however. A good soldier stands up, wipes the dirt off, and battles on. And Lord, have I the battle.
Actually, screw that. Surely a 'battle' is a state of mind right? If we constantly refer to things as a 'battle' or 'challenge' or 'hardship' Lord knows that's what it'll be. I don't want to get up on my proverbial soap box and preach all Rhonda Byrne like, but experience has certainly taught me that our outlook becomes our reality. So, to apply this not-so-rocket-science-like principal to my own situation, that's exactly what it shall be...a situation. Not a challenge, nor dirty debts, but simply a situation that I am improving. Day by day, action by action.
So, I hear you ask, what said actions shall be taken to rectify this situation? On that topic, I've given much thought. As mentioned in my previous post, the cash flow isn't abundant at the moment. Clearly, this needs addressing. Pronto. You may find this hard to believe but I am the type of leisurely lass who feels totally and utterly suffocated by full-time work and its inherent (shudders) routine. The thought of waking up to the same alarm, at the same time, catching the same bus, going to the same office, having the same lunch break...(you get my drift) ignites a visceral reaction in me. *DISCLAIMER: I have no opposition at all to those who abide by this lifestyle. In fact, I wish I could. So often I crave the security and stability that comes with a steady full time job. In no way is this a judgment on this choice or those that take it, but rather an observation of myself in response to it*
I have tried the 45 hours p/w, sitting at a desk gig. But, despite working for one of the world's best small businesses (I kid you not), I still sat at my desk convinced that counting the freckles on my convict Irish skin would provide more creative fulfillment. So poor was my aptitude for this kind of venture, that when my boss sent me out to buy his cigarettes, not only did I neglect to oblige his request, I somehow lost the $20 with which he gave me to do so. I dare say that part of my problem was that every time I swanned up the street to run errands, I suffered a severe identity crisies with Belle from Beauty and the Beast (yes, the cartoon) convinced that the shopkeepers were singing 'Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question. Dazed and distracted can't you tell', while I gazed up to the clouds, replying out loud, 'There must be more than this provincial life!'.
And we wonder why I forgot the cigarettes.
I have sat trawling through the gammut that is job search sites for the past few days, my soul slowly draining away with each click. Now fear not, I am not entirely unemployed. Nor am I by any means lazy. I make ends meet (I use the term loosely) by, in keeping with the standard 'struggling artists' way of life, juggling about 87 different jobs that require me to traverse greater Sydney, often in the same day, usually sporting a myriad of degrading costumes or outfits, but always enabling me to exercise my 'confident and outgoing personality'. Yes, I work for various companies as an actor, promoter, presenter, voiceover artist, personal trainer, kids party entertainer....the list goes on. January, as it turns out, is one hell of a dry month. I have this painful voice of reason (probably the same one that enabled me to blitz my HSC, damn her), that is tap-tap-tapping me on the shoulder, reminding me to put my pride and ego aside and revisit my old friend, hospitality. That wonderful world that sucks your social life dry, but in turn, replenishes your funds as there is simply no time to spend them. The thought of coming home at 4am reaking of bar mats, with the soggy feat that only another bar battler can relate to, makes me want to cry. Suck it up Ryan, voice of reason barks. Short term sacrifice for long term gain!
Oh god. Can I do it? But what about my next month of Friday and Saturday nights that are already perfectly planned? I can already taste the champagne! (I hear my mothers voice echo in my ear...'Amelia, you have champagne taste on a beer mans budget') Beer? Try tap water.
So is this all part of my year of change? Putting life, as I have known it on hold, and doing all that I can to improve my 'situation'?
Damn this accountability!
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